Pearls of Wisdom and Other Such Nonsense

After three summers of sailing, I now consider myself an expert, and as I'm sure you are all eager to glean what extensive knowledge I have to offer, I've decided to share with you these following pearls of wisdom:

1.  Sailing Skills - Balancing on one tiptoe on a bobbing and bouncing boat deck while trying to loosen a mainsail slug that is jammed 7 feet up the mast is easy - balancing a glass of red wine without spilling a drop while at anchor in a calm harbour is next to impossible.

2.  Sailboat Maintenance - That beautiful wax shine that took many weeks of hard manual labour in the spring will be completely gone by summer.  Wine stains will last for infinity (or until Nicole Kidman's face cracks - whichever comes first).

3.  Sailing and Skincare - A sunblock with a SPF of 5000, gigantic bug-eyed sunglasses and a wide-brimmed Sofia Loren-styled hat will NOT prevent you from getting squinty-eyed wrinkles after spending a summer on the water. And sunburnt nipples are a bitch (or so I've been told).

Now, don't you feel wiser?


  1. Hahahahahaha---Oh how I am laughing at this post! You are such a riot! Oh, and you heard right about sunburnt nipples. :)

  2. I wouldn't know about the sunburned nipples; but Nicole Kidman's face will never crack. She got laminated years ago.

  3. Sounds to me like you need to switch to chardonnay ... or at least to white zin. And for heavens sake, get some little umbrellas to shade those nipples!

  4. Burnts nips! Ouch! Still there is something relaxing about being on the (very calm)water. Oh wait. I'm thinking about the bathtub. ;)

  5. Wait -- did my comment go through?! Because while my parents lived on a catamaran off of St. Lucia for a number of years, mom never mentioned burnt nipples!


  6. perhaps a bigger hate to shade da girls? one of those ones that will hold a wine glass - you know, instead of beer cans! Ahoy! :)

  7. I've never had burnt nipples, but I've had bleeding nipples once after running a 10K in the rain.
    Good thing it was during the day. I would have hated to shoo away any vampires.