2012-05-17

Poop on Driftwood

Warning:  This post may not be suitable for all audiences and includes scenes which some viewers may find disgusting.  It is intended for immature audiences whom when told, "Ew!  Smell that!" actually smell it.  This post may not be appropriate for pregnant women, people with stomach ailments, those who have just eaten cotton candy, two corn dogs and a funnel cake, and collectors of Precious Moments figurines. Viewer discretion is advised.


Picture this:  an early spring day, a clear blue sky, an endless stretch of empty beach, waves breaking on the sand, and Bojangles romping free through the sand grass.  It's a pretty image, right?  At least, I though so until we came upon the first carcass.

Yes, that's right,  "the first", meaning there was more than one.  In fact, animal carcasses were scattered all up and down the beach, foul and fetid carrion in varying stages of decay and decomposition.  A malodorous melange of mort.  A vile variety of vermin.  Seagulls, raccoon, fish, and opossum had all washed up on shore with the ice and were left to molder under the snow until reappearing, ripe and rancid, this spring.

Now, I am well acquainted with the whole "circle of life" thing, so I can't say I was especially heart-broken to see the dead animals, but I was surely revolted.  I mean, who wouldn't be revolted?

Well... Bojangles, for one.  Apparently, what we humans find rank and repulsive has quite the opposite effect on dogs - they find it irresistibly attractive. In fact, Bojangles was carrying on like Homer Simpson at an all-you-can-eat buffet, running from carcass to carcass to stop, drop, and roll in the wretched stench.

It was absolutely disgusting.

Then just when I thought he could not get any more revolting, Bojangles stopped at a piece of driftwood, squatted with quivering shanks, and dropped a steaming turd very artfully onto it's weathered top.  Poop on driftwood.  Yep.   My dog's a real charmer.



Pinery Beach

(Just in case you're looking, you won't find any poop on this driftwood - it's the right beach, but it's not my photo)  


28 comments:

  1. nothing ails my tummy after spending summers on the farm and watching the hounds stop, drop and roll in anything they came across. dead frogs, mice, horseshit, cowshit...you name it - they couldn't resist it.
    and apparently, to them it's cuisine too.
    too far? :)

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    1. I bet those farm dogs aren't sleeping on the beds at night!

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  2. Damn it. I not only wanted to smell it, but see it...

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  3. Well, then I guess it must be official. I have no class. No class at all. Because I not only read this, I thought it was hysterical. Especially when Bojangles was rolling in the stench. Got an outdoors bath, did he? (Been there, done that.)

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    1. What he got was a thorough dip in the frigid lake before I'd even let him in the car. And then another bath at home with the garden hose before I'd let him into the house.

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  4. It must be a dog thing. I took my Icelandic Sheepdog to the beach one day in Iceland (where we got the dog. Hence, the name, "Icelandic" Sheepdog). It's not like how beaches are here (or in Canada, I presume). In fact, while it had water at the shoreline (hence the name, "beach"), there was no sand upon which to lay. Rather, it was surrounded by a lava field (which had, mercifully, cooled in the past millennia). My dog sniffed around and around until he found a flat lava rock to his liking. Then, like a truck backing up, he started parking his behind over the rock (I almost expected to hear "beep beep beep" as he was doing so). Once situated, he deposited a steamy growler right on its top. I really thought that was odd behavior. Until I read this.

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    1. "steamy growler" lol. You do have a way with words!

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    2. It's the solid form of "floating an air biscuit."

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  5. Ahhh...a relaxing day at the beach.

    I just love the sea breeze and the lovely aroma of *hork!*

    *runs back to car and speeds away*

    ;-) A.

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    1. Sorry about that, but I did warn you :)

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  6. Hahahahahaha! Oh gosh, I'll be laughing about this all day long! Snort...chuckle...HAHAHAHAHAHA! See? :)

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    1. I can tell you, it wasn't near so funny when it happened.

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  7. I can't believe how disgusted and amused I am, all at the same time. ;)

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  8. Well I must visit more often. Your writing and humor are wonderful. I'm utterly repulsed. And there's great alliteration here: "malodorous melange of mort. A vile variety of vermin". Your disclaimer, too, had me laughing heartily. Alas, thank you for not posting an actual picture.

    Thanks for visiting too. It gave me a nudge to stop by.

    Happy weekend, Kara.
    xoRobyn

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed your visit - I do love a good alliteration. Hope to see you back here again!

      Kara

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  9. I don't understand how dogs can be so gross. They are the only animal I know that will eat cat poop.

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    1. My dog, too, Charlotte. Cat poop -- the Almond Roca of the dog world. And then they want to kiss you. Ewwww!

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    2. And they say a dogs mouth is always clean. *shudder*

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  10. What?! No actual poop? I want my money back. ;)

    For some reason, dogs love to roll in horse manure, too. Go figure.

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    1. Imagine just how stinking dirty dogs would be without us to keep them clean...although they'd probably prefer it that way.

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  11. AAAAh! did you get my last commment?

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  12. Bastard Internet. I typed it and then it disappeared. I was praising your remarable ability to write about dead things - you had alliteration and amazing adjectives ..... it made me feel properly honky like I was there!

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    1. Good. That's was I was going for - properly honky. ;)

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  13. Ha, dogs can be so nasty at times. Then again, so can human beings.

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  14. I have yet to figure out what goes on in dogs minds. My pooch about a month ago was chomping on something in the backyard. When I realized it, I ran to him and picked him up. His breath was rancid. He was eating his poop. Gross.

    Please tell Bojangles his twin is living in Texas:)

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  15. I have to say, I love the disclosure at the top... had me laughing before I even read the rest of it!

    Dogs are so gross sometimes, I have one as well and can't say there haven't been times when I have been utterly disgusted with something she does...

    I love this blog, what a great read! I will be back to read more soon!

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