I won't go into the gory details, but I will share this much - I've been spending a lot of time wondering when enough is enough. How much can and should I endure? And what, exactly, is the point - that slight demarcation where hope ends and despair begins? Will I recognize it when I see it? Will I stop, wavering and teetering at it's edge, or plummet unknowingly into the abyss.
So I stopped.
Afraid I might - with my own stubborn determination to persist and endure - march right over that edge, I stopped. I turned around. I walked away. I re-evaluated.
And I left others behind, loved ones who insist on continuing down the path that I refuse to travel. It hurts terribly to lose people, to deliberately cut the ties that bind us. I'm not entirely sure I can. Perhaps just loosening the ties will suffice - giving myself enough distance so I'm not dragged over the edge with them. Perhaps.
Tough Love? Self-Preservation? Selfishness?
You may call it what you will - the label doesn't matter to me. All that does matter is that it's working for me. The distance has given me a chance to breathe a colossal sigh of relief and I've felt the stress rushing off me like water over a dam. Through this experience, I've learned several things about life in general and myself in particular and as my gift for this post, I'd like to share a couple of them with you:
1. You cannot fight someone's addiction for them.
2. The moment you begin to question when enough is enough, is the moment enough is enough.
So I stopped.
Afraid I might - with my own stubborn determination to persist and endure - march right over that edge, I stopped. I turned around. I walked away. I re-evaluated.
And I left others behind, loved ones who insist on continuing down the path that I refuse to travel. It hurts terribly to lose people, to deliberately cut the ties that bind us. I'm not entirely sure I can. Perhaps just loosening the ties will suffice - giving myself enough distance so I'm not dragged over the edge with them. Perhaps.
Tough Love? Self-Preservation? Selfishness?
You may call it what you will - the label doesn't matter to me. All that does matter is that it's working for me. The distance has given me a chance to breathe a colossal sigh of relief and I've felt the stress rushing off me like water over a dam. Through this experience, I've learned several things about life in general and myself in particular and as my gift for this post, I'd like to share a couple of them with you:
1. You cannot fight someone's addiction for them.
2. The moment you begin to question when enough is enough, is the moment enough is enough.
I love to read your comments! Don't forget to link them back to your website.
Bless your heart. There is so much courage in what you did. I've been there, too.
ReplyDeleteWe don't see my husband's dad for that reason. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, Kara. Sounds like you and I are fighting very similar battles...
ReplyDeletePearl
I feel your pain, I really do. I am constantly struggling with this. Even though I cut certain people out of my life over a year ago, they don't understand that I mean business. Hope you get the peace you are looking for x
ReplyDeleteOn points 1 & 2: Right and right. You do others and yourself no service when you remain in their negative energy sphere. Really the only way you can help others is by shining your own light so brightly that they finally see it and are warmed by it, or they are blinded by it and turn away. You've made an excellent course correction. Stay in the light my friend.
ReplyDeleteAnd here's your giant, virtual hug ((( ))) ;)
I think there are moments when the light shines on all the mental, emotional, physical, and psychological gymastics you're forced to perform in order to maintain certain relationships, you realize how far out of the realm of "normal" and "healthy" you've wandered. I'm glad you're getting some clarity and breathing space. Hope it brings peace too.
ReplyDeleteIt can be tough feeling your way through life when you feel like you're operating in Braille.
ReplyDeleteThe only ones who call you selfish are usually the ones taking all you have to give. You really can't fight someone else's battles. As bad as it can be, all you can do is watch and be there to help pick up the pieces after.
ReplyDeleteThe only ones calling you selfish are the ones doing all the taking. People have to fight their own battles, overcome their own demons. All you can do is watch and be there to help pick up the pieces after.
ReplyDeleteHi Kara. Sounds to me like you've done the right thing. When you get to the point when the stress is too much and you're feeling a situation is hopeless, it's time to bow out. If you're breathing easier, you've gone in the right direction. Hope you can start laughing again soon. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words and understanding.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for your husband, but I think you're right - sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
ReplyDeleteYes? Then...here's wishing you all the strength and courage you'll need. And my support, for what it's worth.
ReplyDeleteAnd you too, Romina
ReplyDeleteVery wise words. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Words do help.
ReplyDeleteBraille is right! There's no clear path, no road map, and no way of knowing if I'm taking the right course.
ReplyDeleteYou've replied twice, which shows how much thought you gave your comment and I truly appreciate that. The thing is, I no longer want to watch, and I'm tired from always helping pick up the pieces.
ReplyDeleteThanks Susan. I appreciate your kind words.
ReplyDeleteYou are exceedingly deep for one so young. And as far as stepping away from the blog, I wouldn't worry. Your friends will be here when you decide it's the right time to return.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself! Sometimes self-preservation must come first kiddo.
There you go with the young bit again! And again, you've succeeded in making me smile. Thanks :)
ReplyDeletevery wise indeed. thank you for sharing that. most of us, who hang on far too long, most certainly needed them!
ReplyDeletei grew up with an addict. that person is no longer in my life. (for many, many reasons.) there is no shame in not letting yourself get dragged down.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're getting yourself back on the track of scattered joy is what it sounds like to me!!
ReplyDeletei too have walked away from situations like this.... chin up you did the right thing.
ReplyDeletehttp://pearlsonstring.blogspot.com/
That's the spirit. Never give up!. I too have found my self on those crossroads ever so often and I can't help but stride over to the other side. I think what happens is when we come to that point of asking ourselves enough is enough is when we are at our weakest moment. We don't have that strength to carry on and we feel like giving up is the best option which is often the saddest mistake we make. Blogging has immensely distracted my mind and its the sort of distraction I wanted when I was going through tough times. I guess if we find that one person who is there for us thats when we can push forward and move on with our lives.
ReplyDeletehttp://thatstwowords.blogspot.com/