A Bit of Gallows Humour

I've got nothing against rainbows, puppy dogs and home-made cherry pies - I mean, I enjoy a good "warm & fuzzy" just as much as the next person - but when it comes to my funny bone I have a definite lean towards the horrific, the ghoulish, and the outlandish. Assuming that I'm I'm not alone in my perversion towards dark comedy, I'd like to share with you some of my favorite Gallows Humour.  But be warned - it's not for the faint-of-heart.  So are you up for it?

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A doctor, a chemist, and an engineer were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"

"Head up," said the doctor.

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.

"Head up."

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. So the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.

"Head up or head down?"

"Head up."

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out:

"WAIT! I see what the problem is!".

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When I die, I want to go out like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep, 

unlike his passengers who died screaming.

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A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.  The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

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So did any of these make you giggle?  My favourite's the Gallow Trampoline with its wicked blend of horror and silliness.